


A Whole Lot of Heart

by Axolotlfied



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, F/M, Humor, Illustrated, Image Heavy, M/M, OOC, Sitcom, The Homestuck Epilogues, basically just a mspfa but on ao3, but better, but i swear there's a reason for it, clown, sort of 80's but everyone's gay, studio audience - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24545020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axolotlfied/pseuds/Axolotlfied
Summary: This fresh and hilarious look at the classic family structure focuses on several families on Earth C. After becoming a god at age 16, Dirk Strider now has to manage life with the eccentric group he created a universe with. Included in this group are wisecracking Rose Lalonde, airhead Roxy Lalonde, cool guy Dave Strider, obnoxious alien Terezi Pyrope, upbeat Jade Harley, heiress Jane Crocker, Dirk's husband Jake English, and their son, Tavros English.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker/Gamzee Makara, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic that is essentially a fanadventure has a tumblr and a discord. The tumblr is @awholelotofheart and the discord is [Here](https://discord.gg/kSqNGUw). We're also on MSPFA under the same name. I'd suggest reading this version if you want an easier to read version and to read the MSPFA version if you want to read it how it was originally intended to be read

Meat or candy, that is the question

Neither is desirable. Horrible things happen in both, and in both, characters you know and love are subjected to terrible events.

But what if you didn't have to answer that question?

What if, instead of making a decision that determined which terrible thing happened, you asked a completely different question.

What if you asked...

Dirk: What's happening, guys?   
Studio Audience: WOOOOOOOOO  


Rose: Dirk. So nice of you to join us. Finally.  
Dirk: Hello, Rose. Still cheerful as ever, I see.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH   
Jake: Hi dirk! Youre just in time to help us decide on a slogan for janes campaign.  
Dirk: She’s still doing that?   
Jane: Doing what?   
Dirk: The whole...running for office thing?   
Jane: Yes, I’m still doing that.   
Dirk: Oh. I figured you’d burn yourself out eventually.   
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Dirk: Anyway, you said you needed a slogan?  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA  


Jake: Yeah!  
Dirk: Okay, what have you guys got so far?  
Jake: Nothing.  
Kanaya: Actually I Had An Idea But It Got Shot Down  
Dirk: Really? What was it?  
Kanaya: If You Wish For A President Who Happens To Have Both Brains And Experience Then Your Vote Should Be For Jane Crocker The Future President Of Earth C   
Dirk: …   
Dirk: I’m sorry, what?   
Kanaya: I Said If You Wish For A President-  
Dirk: No, I heard what you said.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHA   
Dirk: Don’t you think it’s a little long?   
Kanaya: What Do You Mean   
Dirk: Presidential slogans are supposed to be quick and catchy, not the length of a book.  
Rose: What kind of books have you been reading?   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Jake: Oh! I have an idea.   
Dirk: Let me hear it, English.   
Jake: Hope.  
Dirk: …   
Dirk: Okay, I have several questions.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHA   
Dirk: First: Are you aware that’s already a slogan?   
Jake: It is?   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHA  
Dirk: Yes. It is.   
Dirk: Second: Why is it just your aspect?  
Jake: I figured that people like me.  
Dirk: Is that it?   
Jake: Yep!   
Dirk: Okay. Moving on.   
Dirk: Jane, what about you? Do you have any ideas?  


Jane: What about "A vote for Jane is a vote for a government that knows exactly what you're thinking at all times?"  


Jake: Soooooo hope it is?  
Dirk: Yeah, hope works for me.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


🎵Well, being gods is pretty hard🎵

🎵But not so much when you’ve got some heart🎵

🎵Sure you need some hope, light, mind and time in it🎵

🎵But heart’s the main ingredient🎵

🎵Love's the glue🎵

🎵That holds me and you🎵

🎵Together forever🎵

🎵No matter what we do🎵

🎵Cause we've got🎵

🎵A whole lot of heart🎵

🎵Yeah we've got🎵

🎵A Whole Lot of Heart🎵


	2. Episode 1: The Icing on the Cake

Dirk: Jane, great to see you. Look, I'm your campaign manager, right?  
Jane: Are you? I seem to remember a certain someone not remembering I was running for office.  
Dirk: Are you sure? I mean, Jake can be forgetful sometimes, but I don't think he-  
Dirk: Right, you're talking about me.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHA  
Jane: Yes. I was.  
Dirk: But I'm still your campaign manager. I mean, who else would it be?  
Jane: Hey, there are plenty of competent people I know who would love to manage my campaign!  
Dirk: Like who?  
Jane: Um...  
Dirk: Need a second there, Janey?  
Jane: I guess I don't know anyone who could be my campaign manager.   
Jane: Gosh, I'm glad I have you at least!  
Jane: You're a true friend, Strider.  
Dirk: Yep. I'm totally not just helping you so I can wield power while you act as a powerless figurehead who I can pin blame on if anything goes wrong   
Jane: Exactly!  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  
Jane: Anyway, what's this about?  


Dirk: Look. Janey. Have you watched the news lately?  
Jane: Not recently, no.  
Dirk: What? You're running for office. Why wouldn't you watch the news?  
Dirk: Never mind, I'm getting sidetracked.  
Dirk: The point is that you've gotten yourself into something of a controversy.  
Jane: Really? What is it?  
Dirk: Apparently people found out you use margarine instead of butter in your cakes.  
Jane: Oh, thank goodness. I thought it was the bribery.  
Dirk: The what?  
Jane: Oh, nothing.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHA  


Dirk: Now, I know the allegations are false, but I need to hear you actually say it.   
Jane: No they're true.  
Dirk: Good, that's what I- I'm sorry, what?  
Jane: The margarine makes them taste better! Is that really such a crime?  
Dirk: Apparently it is to the general public because you're way down in the polls.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHAH  
Dirk: But it doesn't really matter, I'm sure we can spin this some way.  
Dirk: We'll get you on a talk show to address the rumors. I'll call Roxy, get her to do canvassing.  
Dirk: Sound good?  
Jane: I suppose.  
Dirk: Great. See you in a bit, I've got some calls to make. But please, do me a favor and don't talk to anyone about this.  
Dirk: I don't want any more needless drama  
Jane: My lips are sealed!  


Roxy: heyyy dirk i heard janey got accused of doin baking crimes  
Dirk: Where'd you hear that?  
Roxy: from jane like two seconds ago  
Dirk: Of course you did.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAH  
Dirk: Look, while I have you here, would you mind going canvassing today? I really need to get out ahead of this.  
Roxy: yea sure   
Roxy: ooo i can get dave n karkat   
Roxy: itll be a party!  
Dirk: Great, the more people the better.  
Dirk: Just… please take John with you at least.   
Dirk: I really don't think you and Dave together without adult supervision is a good idea. Especially after last time.   
Roxy: hey i paid for the boat and im pretty sure that carpacian was only a little scarred   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH  
Roxy: but suuure ill bring john  
Dirk: Great. Bye, Roxy. Talk to you later.  
Roxy: byeeeee dirky  


It's going to be a long day 


	3. Chapter 3

Dirk: Hello, everyone.  
Dirk: I brought you all here to help brainstorm ideas to get Jane back up in the polls.  
Dirk: The best ideas I will implement and take credit for.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHA  
Dirk: Any questions?  


Dirk: Yes, Jake?  


Jake: I thought you said you and i were going on an adventure.  
Terezi: 1 W4S PROM1S3D LOTS OF CH4LK. SO F4R TH3R3 H4S B33N NO CH4LK.  
Dirk: Yeah, there isn’t any chalk.   
Terezi: >:[  
Dirk: I used an old industry secret called "lying" to get you guys here to help me.  
Jake: Thats all well and good but when are we going on the adventure?  
Dirk: No, there isn't going to be an adventure  
Jake: Seriously dirk?   
Dirk: Unless you count helping a dear friend out as an adventure?  
Jake: No. I do not.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHAH  


Dirk: But seriously, does anyone have any ideas?   
Gamzee: We CoUlD dO dEmOnStRaTiOnS iN tHe StReEtS wItH mIlK aNd SlOpPy MaKeOuTs  
Dirk: What does that achieve?   
Gamzee: nOtHiNg I jUsT tHoUgHt It WaS a GoOd IdEa  
Dirk: Well it wasn't.   
Dirk: Anyone else?   
Jake: We could-   
Dirk: No.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH  
Terezi: WH4T 4BOUT G3TT1NG J4N3 ON SOC14L M3D14?  
Dirk: That's actually a sort of good idea, Terezi. Thank you.  
Terezi: SH3 N33DS A MYSP4C3 TO R34LLY G3T TH1S C4MP41GN GO1NG.   
Dirk: And there it is.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH  


Dirk: Regardless, I'm going to steal the first part.   
Dirk: Jane, you need to get social media.   
Jane: Hey, I have Pesterchum!   
Dirk: Pesterchum doesn't count. Literally nobody else on the planet has Pesterchum.   
Jane: That's not true, Terezi has it too.   
Terezi: NO, 1 GOT R1D OF 1T WH3N 1 GOT MYSP4CE.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH   
Dirk: Ok, let me try this again.   
Dirk: You need CURRENT social media.   
Dirk: Jake, Terezi, Gamzee, I’m already regretting this, but do you guys think you can manage her social media?  
Gamzee: ToTaLlY mY wIcKeD bRoThEr   
Dirk: *Sigh*   
Dirk: Jake, make sure they don’t completely destroy Jane’s campaign.  
Jake: You can count on me!  


Dirk: Jane, we've got to go. I actually got you on a talk show.  
Dirk: It was surprisingly difficult.  
Dirk: I wasn't aware baking was such an important issue in the troll community.  
Jane: Of course! Why'd you think I was so high in the polls, because I'm good at politics?  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA  


Dirk: I guess not.   
Dirk: Anyway, you’re on Earth C Today with Joanne Calmez. Do you know her?  
Jane: Yeah! I’m pretty sure she hates me.   
Dirk: She what?   
Jane: I made fun of her name once and apparently it was a touchy subject because she vowed revenge.  
Jane: It was a whole big thing.   
Studio audience: HAHAHAHAH   
Jane: Wait, do you think her allowing me on the show was part of her plot to get revenge?  
Dirk: Of course not.   
Dirk: I’m sure she doesn’t even remember it.  


Dirk: Okay, it's possible she remembers it  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I mentioned this, but if you have a fantroll you want to be included, you can send it in to our Tumblr!


	4. Chapter 4

Dave: ok so like whats the game plan here  
Roxy: the what?  
Dave: like are we going to just walk up to peoples houses and be like "yo vote for jane"  
Roxy: oh right yea i have a plan  
Dave: what is it?  
Roxy: were going to walk up to peoples houses and be like yo vote for jane  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  
Dave: works for me  
Dave: oh look heres a house now  
Dave: lets go put this quality plan into action  


Dave: roxy would you like to do the honors?  
Roxy: yea sure  


Abithe: _<...are you the creators?>_  
Roxy: yea is this a bad time?  
Abithe: _< yeah, you could say that >_  


Quinny: ~~~SCREW YOU~~~  


Abithe: _< we were having a date. >_  
Roxy: haha ok vote for jane byeee!!  


Karkat: WOW, THAT WAS EMBARRASSING. GOD, IMAGINE HOW THE OTHER TROLL MUST HAVE FELT.  


Roxy: troll romance! what r u gonna do?  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  



	5. Chapter 5

Dirk: Okay, this was unexpected but I think I can make it work.   
Dirk: Just don’t panic.   
Jane: I’m no-   
Dirk: DON’T. PANIC.   
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHA  


Tamale: Five minutes until air!  
Dirk: OH GOD  
Jane: Dirk, I’m sure it’ll be fine.  
Jane: I just have to talk about my campaign and be nice and everything’ll work out.  
Dirk: Sure it will, Jane. Just keep telling yourself whatever you need to not panic.  


Joanne: GreetiNgs, Earth C! We’re here to>day with JaNe Cro>cker, aspiriNg po>liticiaN aNd all-aro>und terrible perso>N.  
Joanne: Tell Me, JaNe, what were yo>u thiNkiNg when yo>u decided to> ruN fo>r presideNt?  
Jane: Well, I was thinking…   
Jane: “Wow, I’m kinda hungry.”   
Jane: But THEN I thought “You know, I’d make a pretty good president.”  


Joanne: Wo>o>o>w. That’s...a terrible reaso>N to> ruN for presideNt. Tell Me, is it true that yo>u put Margarine in yo>ur cakes?  
Jane: Yes! Like I said, it makes it taste better.  
Joanne: That’s disgustiNg. I kNo>w I certaiNly wo>N’t be buyiNg aNy Cro>cker baked goods aNyMo>re.  
Jane: Is this really just because I thought you looked like Joan Callamezzo and laughed at your name?  
Joanne: Y-No>! I do>N’t kno>w what yo>u’re talking about!   
Joanne: I do>N’t act like her at all. I do>N’t eveN kNo>w who> Jo>aN is!   
Joanne: I aM a beautiful, brilliaNt jo>urNalist! Is this Jo>aN CallaMezzo> aNything like that?  


Joanne: WHEN I WAS 9 SWEEPS TRO>LL VAL KILMER SAW ME AT A MALL AND TO>LD ME I SHO>ULD MO>DEL.  
Joanne: CO>ULD SO>METHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN TO> JO>AN??  


Jane: Is this a joke?  
Jane: Am I being pranked right now?  
Jane: If so, it’s really good, hoo hoo!  
Joanne: DO> I LO>O>K LIKE A JO>KE TO> YO>U?  
Jane: …  
Jane: Do I really need to answer that?  


Joanne: O>UT.   
Joanne: GET O>FF MY SHO>W  
Jane: What?  
Joanne: LEAVE  


Jane: Jeez, okay, I'm going!  


Joanne: ANd that co>Ncludes o>ur iNterview with JaNe Cro>cker, the wo>rst po>liticiaN ever.  


Terezi: SO, MYSP4C3.  
Gamzee: iSnT tHaT fOr lIkE sAd PeOpLe  
Terezi: H3Y, DON’T ST3R3OTYP3! NO ON3 ON MYSP4C3 1S S4D!  
JAKE: Thats because no one is on myspace.   
TEREZI: 3X4CTLY!   
GAMZEE: tHeN wHy DiD yOu GeT aN aCcOuNt  
TEREZI: 1 M4K3 B4D D3CS1ONS 4 LOT.   
TEREZI: FOR 3X4MPL3, 1 D4T3D YOU.   
STUDIO AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHA  
JAKE: Anyway if we dont get myspace for jane what should we get?  
TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT TW1TT3R?   
JAKE: Perfect! Everyone on there is so nice. Instead of saying hello they say “hey sexy”!  


GAMZEE: wElL hE iS pReTtY sE-   
TEREZI: TW1TT3R 1T 1S!  


Terezi: SO OBV1OUSLY 1'M RUNN1NG 1T, R1GHT?  
Jake: Why would you be running it?   
Gamzee: yEaH iM gOnNa Be In ChArGe   
Jake: What? I thought it was clear it would be me.   
Terezi: W3LL 1F W3 4LL TH1NK W3’R3 RUNN1NG 1T, TH3R3’S ONLY ON3 W4Y TO D3C1D3.  
Jake: We each run a different account for jane and the most successful one gets to run the actual thing? Terezi: 1 W4S GO1NG TO S4Y B4TTL3 TO TH3 D34TH.  
Studio audience: HAHAHAHA   
Jake: That is a really good idea but i think it might take too long.   
Terezi: F11111N3 W3 C4N DO YOUR STUP1D 1D34.  



	6. Chapter 6

Roxy: ok that last house was less than ideal but hey!   
Roxy: weve got lots more people   
Roxy: want to try the next person dave?  
Dave: totally  


Dave: yo can we talk to you for a minute about the election?  
Sychia: ssuree  


Dave: who are you planning on voting for?  
Sychia: jjane, probablyy  
Dave: well you shouldnt  
Roxy: (daaave what r u doin?)   
Dave: (dont worry i got this)   
Dave: look jane can seriously not be president  
Dave: shes like hells of xenophobic   
Dave: i think shes trying to stop trolls from reproducing  
Dave: which is SO not cool   
Dave: i sure as hell know i wouldnt want some random ass baker girl who may or may not be related to space hitler   
Dave: still kinda unclear on that   
Dave: telling me who i can or can not make babies with  
Dave: i mean not that im saying i want kids karkat and i have not talked about that  
Dave: even if i know those babies would be cool as hell   
Dave: nubbier horns than even nubby horns over here   
Dave: actually would our kid even have horns?   
Dave: can we even have kids?   
Dave: mental note: check on whether karkat and i can have awesome half troll half coolkid babies   
Dave: anyway you dont want to be stopped from having as many children as you want by jane right?  
Sychia: ii… guesss nott?  
Dave: exactly   
Dave: if she were president the wheels would fall so far off that itd be like there werent any wheels at all   
Dave: just a bunch of boats driving around the road   
Dave: itd be a traffic nightmare   
Dave: and also im pretty sure she cheats on her husband  
Dave: not sure if that makes her a bad politician or anything but its obviously not great  
Dave: but hey   
Dave: you know who would make a way better president and who probably doesnt cheat on his awesome boyfriend?  
Dave: me by the way   
Dave: karkat   
Dave: i mean look at him   
Dave: hes...   
Dave: hes...  


Roxy: dave r u okay?  
Dave: i   
Dave: i dont know  
Roxy: look it was nice talking to you but i think we should go  
Roxy: i dont know what he said about jane but it was wrong   
Roxy: shes cool and you should vote for her  


Roxy: dude seriously what was that  
Dave: i have no idea   
Dave: its like one second im about to talk about how great jane is and the next   
Dave: i dont even know   
Dave i dont know where the hell i pulled most of that stuff from   
Dave: my ass most likely   
Dave: seriously some of that stuff was just nuts  
Dave: like jane obviously doesnt have a husband  
Dave: who would she even marry?  
Dave: im pretty sure its against the law for juggalos to marry non juggalos  
Dave: or karkat running for president?   
Dave: i mean it would take someone with absolutely no brains to think of that  
Karkat: RIGHT, AND THAT STUFF ABOUT US HAVING KIDS  
Dave: oh no i stand by that   
Dave: our kids would be amazing and we should ask kanaya if we could even have them  


Karkat: I’M PRETTY SURE HE’S GONE INSANE   
Karkat: I SHOULD TAKE HIM HOME AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T SCREW ANYTHING ELSE UP  
Dave: i can still screw you though right baMPF  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Karkat: CLEARLY INSANE   
Karkat: GOODBYE   
Karkat: HAVE FUN CAMPAIGNING AND RUINING JANE’S CAREER EVEN MORE THAN HE JUST DID  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I totally forgot to update this for some reason? Like I have all the pictures and text and stuff, I'm just not updating it here. I feel bad about that, so I'm gonna try to update daily again

Dirk: That went somehow worse than I expected.  
Jane: It was nice of that assistant to give us ice cream though!  
Dirk: I think that was so we wouldn’t sue the studio.  
Jane: Well, it worked.  
Dirk: Let’s just go home and regroup before making whatever our next move is.  
Jane: I think I should go apologize to her.  
Dirk: Are you kidding me? Please do not.  
Dirk: People who scream at other people to leave and never come back don’t want to be apologized to.  
Dirk: They want to be left alone  
Jane: But I feel so bad! I’ll just go say sorry really quickly and then come back.  
Dirk: Fine, just don’t do anything too bad.  


Joanne: Hello Earth C!  
Joanne: Today, we’ll be discussing the amount of computers you need to have on you at all times.  
Joanne: Can you ever have too many?  


Jane: Joanne!  
Joanne: O>h My go>d.  
Joanne: What is it?  
Jane: I just wanted to apologize.  
Jane: I shouldn’t have made fun of your name.  
Joanne: I’M iN the MIDDLE O>F A SEGMENT  
Joanne: LEAVE.  
Joanne: PLEASE.  
Jane: I’ll leave, but I really do feel so bad.  
Jane: I have some Crockercorp coupons in my pocket. Would you like some?  
Joanne: If it’ll get yo>u to> leave, theN fiNe. Whatever.  
Jane: Great!  


Joanne: AaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  


Dirk: How’d it go?  
Jane: Bad. We need to leave.  
Jane: Now.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Jake: So howre your social medias going?  
Jake: I know mine is going great  
Terezi: G4MZ33 ST4RT3D 4 TW1TT3R W4R W1TH SOM3 PURPL3BLOOD WHO DO3SNT B3L13V3 1N TH3 CLOWN CHURCH  


Gamzee: i’M gOnNa MoThErFuCkInG cOnVeRt HeR  
Terezi: H3 WON’T  
Terezi: H3 H4S N3V3R CONV3RT3D 4NYON3  
Jake: Terezi howre you doing?  
Terezi: 4M4Z1NG  
Terezi: 1V3 GOTT3N F1V3 D34TH THR34TS  
Terezi: OR 1 GU3SS J4N3 GOT F1V3 D34TH THR34TS S1NC3 1TS H3R 4CCOUNT  
Terezi: 4ND 1 H4V3 B33N PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 H3R WH1L3 1 M4K3 FUN OF P3OPL3  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHA  
Jake: Generally you dont want any death threats  


Terezi: 4LR1GHT SM4RT BOY  
Terezi: HOWS YOUR TW1TT3R GO1NG??  
Jake: Well if you must know its been going great.  
Jake: I have a lot of followers and i havent started any wars or gotten any death threats.  
Terezi: WOW OK4Y SO 1TS PR3TTY CL34R WHOS W1NN1NG TH3N  
Terezi: M3  
Terezi: 1M W1NN1NG  
Jake: Well if you say so!  



	9. Chapter 9

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--  
TG: yeah so ur campaign has been going good on this front toooootally fine  
GG: Well that’s lovely! I’m gonna need it after what just happened.  
TG: oh no wat happened :(  
GG: Horrible things. Ice cream things.  
TG: oh noooooooo :( :(  
TG: anyway i got a whole person 2 vote 4 u  
TG: prbly  
GG: Probably?  
TG: yeah that 2  
GG: Well, it’s a step in the right direction.  
TG: yup!  
TG: anything u want me 2 say 2 potential voters?  
GG: Um…  
GG: I have many non-offensive political opinions!  
TG: sounds gr8  
TG: here goes  


Talaiz: hellllo?  
Roxy: i have many nonoffensive political opinions!  
Talaiz: that’s...great...  
Roxy: vote jane!  
Talaiz: are you okay?  
Roxy: IM NEW 2 POLITICS OK  


Talaiz: are you crying?  
Roxy: YES  
Talaiz: maybe you shoulld go…  
Roxy: OK  


TG: im sry janey i messed up ur campaign  
GG: Well, probably not more than I did, hoo hoo!  
GG: Hopefully the social media bit is going better.  


\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--  
GC: SORRY J4N3 BUT 4LL THR33 OF YOUR SOC14L M3D14 4CCOUNTS H4V3 B33N C4NC3L3D  
GG: What? Why??  
GC: NO 1D34  
GG: Wait, three social media accounts?  
GC: Y34H  
GG: I don’t need three!!  
GC: W3LL NOW YOU DONT H4V3 4NY SO Y4Y??  
GG: UGH.  
\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased being pestered by gallowsCalibrator [GC] \-- 


	11. Chapter 11

Dirk: As you recall, this morning I called you all here to help run Jane’s campaign.  
Dirk: This afternoon, I’ve called you all here to help me draft Jane’s resigning statement.  
Jane: Wait, what?  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  
Dirk: Sorry, Jane, but the polls are in. No one is planning to vote for you.  
Jake: I am!  
Dirk: Well, Jake is, but honestly that just reflects badly on you.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  
Dirk: So best to quit while we’re ahead.  
Kanaya: But You Just Said We Were Behind—  
Dirk: Best to quit.  
Dirk: Just...quit.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Jane: You know what? Maybe this is for the best.  
Jane: While I was campaigning, I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with the people who matter to me.  
Jake: Us?  
Jane: No, Swifer and Cliper.  
Jane: Of course you guys!  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHA  
Jane: You’re all way more important than any old election.  
Studio Audience: Awwwwwww  
Kanaya: Speaking Of The Election Whos Going To Win Now  
Dirk: I’m sure it’s not going to be anyone we know.  
Dirk: Probably some experienced politician who’s going to make Earth C a better place.  


Jane: A sentient chess piece won?  
Jane: He can’t even talk, how is he supposed to lead us?  
Dave: WOOO! YOU GO MAYOR!  
Dirk: I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  
Dirk: It’s not like it’s going to be important or anything.  
Dirk: This was a one episode bit.  
Jane: What?  
Dirk: I said it seems like he’s a hit.  
Dirk: I’m sure he’ll be a great president.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


Jane: You know, even though I didn’t win or even finish running, I’m glad you were my manager.  
Dirk: Thanks, Jane.  
Dirk: I'm glad I got to be your manager  
Dirk: You mean a lot to me, and even if you suck at politics, you're still my friend  
Studio Audience: Awwwwwwww  
Dirk: Now, we should probably go stop Dave from climbing onstage and getting tased by security.  
Studio Audience: HAHAHAHAHA  


**Author's Note:**

> We've already been posting on MSPFA for a while, so I'm posting one update per day until we catch up. After that, it's once a week on weekends


End file.
